Do NOT Wear The Jacket

Why, you ask? Well firstly, because in this Middle Eastern ... [excuse me for a sec while I search thesaurus.com for the appropriate word to fit here] terrain, there is absolutely no need to wear a bloody jacket. No bigger justification than the past two weeks. Someone created a colosal snow-globe, substituted the snow for sand, placed it distinctly over the UAE, and shook the shit out of it. 

Keeping the heat and the sand trapped inside. Wonderful.

Screw the fact that its not "beach weather", it's not even BREATHE weather!! I don't know how we are surviving. Maybe it was the 5 second thunderstorm that happened the other day. That may or may not have been a dream.

After explaining why you should NOT wear a jacket, I blatantly am wearing a blazer in these pictures. 

Oops. 

I will now try to clarify how to wear the jacket, even if I say that you should not:

1. Do not insert arms into sleeve. It is a useless effort that will create more perspiration than is necessary.

2. Place the armhole over the shoulder. It creates the illusion of being more fashionable. 

I do not know why, and how, but it just does.

3. If all efforts fail, ditch the jacket and it's primary purpose and use it as a shield against the forces of nature. Place it on your head; place it on your face. Whatever your situation calls for.

N.B. This only applies to regions with extreme weather conditions.

I have come to the realization that I talk about the weather too much..

Blazer: Etro   Shirt: Versace for H&M (Mens)   Skirt: Myne   Shoes: Giuseppe Zanotti 

 Disclaimer: Sandstorms are not as they're portrayed in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.

I Don't Know What To Call This

Sometimes you just need a break. I like mine to be extremely extended, but I would rather you keep guessing what and when my next move would be rather than forget about me all together. That is why I am back to tell you all, with sadness in my heart, that I will be leaving this blog for better (but not necessarily bigger) things in life. Just kidding, April Fools. Hardy har har. I bet you wished that was true. But it's not. I'm the worst blogger ever. I have returned to this virtual world that is forever going to give me headaches and backaches. 

Now, rhetorically speaking; HOW the HELL have you all been?

If there's any of you left, that is.

*crickets*

Okay, then. Awkward.

I'm having a conversation with myself.

MOVING ON...

So much is happening this week, so do stay tuned because I will try my best to post. 

No promises this time though. 

With the shifts in the weather, and the severe onset of global warming that is frankly stressing the sh*t out of me, I decided this post is going to be about something bright and fruity and happy and any other jolly ol' word you can think of. However that doesn't apply to my face. It seems a little irritated, no?

On a more cheerful note, the clothes I'm wearing will hopefully distract you from my cranial region. Exactly my intention. Cover the face...        and look a clothes! 

I know what you were thinking, you perverts.

This Marni Summer Edition top has fused itself to my skin. I've worn it about 5 times in 1 week with no shame. Screw the rule that says you can only wear things once. 

But those pants, oh those pants. You have no idea how much I am holding my breathe in these pictures.

Let's just say I took 5 minute intervals between each shot to exhale. and untie, and unbutton.

The ways I suffer for the sake of fashion, You will never know..

Top: Marni     Pants: Joseph      Shoes: Giuseppe Zanotti 

The Satchel On Another Level

Ohhhh The Cambridge Satchel... Where do I start?

At first, they were cool, with the variety of colors and how versatile and affordable they are.
Then, they turned into an infectious cliche [like so many other things in Dubai]. wherever I was, whether it be at the mall, an event, yada yada yada, there was someone doning a bloody Cambridge Satchel.

Frankly, I wanted to vomit. Those things were multiplying faster than rats in the gutter.
That's where they belonged; in the gutter. With the rats.

Anyhow, nothing made me more deranged than seeing someone with one of those monstrosities. 

I feel bad, because at one point I actually liked them.
But you satchel worshipping fools changed my mind.

Then came the Basso & Brooke X Cambridge Satchel Company collaboration.

For their Fall '12 collection, they decided to incorporate their "cut & paste" style of print onto the satchel

and they did what they do best; mixing the most unconventional prints together, to create a masterpiece.
If I didn't know any better, I would say that this is gonna put the Cambridge Satchel back on the map.
Enough with the neons and metallics, prints are the sh*t people!! 

Well, if you throw all three into a mixing bowl, I guess that would be the sh*t too.

Now you judge for yourself; the standard or the special?

This one is on my list!

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On The Streets - The Beanie

         

                                          (Images c/o Fashionologie; Vogue; Refinery29)

What do all these babes have in common, other than their impeccable sense of fashiownay?
You're probably gonna read that wrong.
Check out the head gear. Okay, this isn't something that would protect you if you conspicuously flop onto the side walk due to unsteady legs, perhaps after enduring major post-cardio symptoms from prior evening festivities? 

However, what they will protect you from, is the wrath of greasy hair and the onset of frostbite.

Take a note from the bums on the street; they don't wear beanies for no reason, duh. 

Luckily for us blessed individuals, we can afford head sacks that are slightly more dapper, so get with it.
If you're rushing to a fashion show and haven't hand time to shower, a beanie will be your best friend. So will deodorant. Disclaimer: Beanies do not prevent bad breath, so brush your teeth. 

In the spirit of fashion week, and the health of your hair, I suggest you start a new relationship with a beanie; I assure it will be one of the longest courtships you will ever have. 

For us in Dubai, well, we have two options;
1- Wait for the temperature to magically drop 20 degrees. 

2- Hop on a plane. You know the rest.

I just realized that I am getting quite keen about the beanie, so I'm gonna stop right now. 

On a personal note, as I type this, I am sitting on my couch, wearing a beanie, and watching The Food Network.

I think that makes me officially the coolest person you know.

Anyway, I'm out! Happy LFW! and Happy Belated MBFW! 

P.S. I would like to apologize for breaking my promise.
If you don't know what that promise was, then check my previous posts.